Does any religion make more sense than any other?
Atheists,
by definition, don't think any religion has any reasonable likelihood
of being true. And yet, for some weird reason, we're often asked to
choose between them. Believers often accuse us of ignoring more moderate
and progressive religions while we trash the low-hanging fruit of
****-line fundamentalism. We're accused of disregarding sophisticated
modern theology so we can zero in on the simplistic faiths held by the
hoi polloi. (Neither accusation is fair; many atheists, including
myself, have taken aim at both modern theology and progressive religion,
and in any case fundamentalism and other widely held religions are
valid targets for critique -- but that's another rant.) Yet at the same
time, many believers seek our approval for their particular beliefs. "Sure," they'll say, "a lot of those other religions are silly -- but my religion makes sense! Don't you agree? Don't you? Huh?"
For
the most part, it's a game I don't like to play. I think all religions
are equally implausible, equally based on cognitive biases, equally
unsupported by any good evidence whatsoever. But sometimes, the
battiness of a particular religion is powerfully borne in on me, to the
point where it becomes impossible to ignore. And it forces me to
consider the question: Is this religion really any more batty than any
other? Or is it just less popular? Less familiar? Is it simply newer,
and thus has had less time for the more wildly ragged edges of its
wackiness to smooth out? Is this religion really as crazy as it seems --
or are all religions equally crazy?
Magic Hats Versus Magic Snakes
First,
just to be very clear: I'm not saying all religious believers are
crazy. I'm saying religious beliefs are crazy. I'm criticizing the
ideas, not the people. And when I say "crazy" (or "nutty" or "batshit"
or "lunatic" or what have you), I don't mean "literally, clinically
mentally ill." I mean "crazy" in the colloquial sense -- radically out
of step with cultural norms, or out of touch with reality.
I was in Salt Lake City a few weeks ago giving a talk, and I took the opportunity to visit the Mormon Temple Square.
If you're not a Mormon, you can't go inside the Mormon Temple itself;
but Temple Square has all sorts of attractions for the non-Mormon
visitor, including the tabernacle, the ******** hall... and two
different visitors' centers, specifically designed to explain Mormonism
to the non-Mormon, and to make the religion seem inspiring, and to
entice people into the faith.
I
have no doubt that it has that effect on many people. Mormonism is one
of the fastest-growing religions on the planet; there must be something
about it that people like. But its effect on me... Well, it was
inspiring, all right. It inspired me right into a roller-coaster ride of
hilarity and horror. It inspired me, at one point, to out-loud laughter
that I was literally, physically unable to control. It inspired me to
get the **** off their property, take several deep breaths, and rant
with my wife about what a nightmare of indoctrination and brainwashing
it was, before we plunged back in. It inspired me to work on my atheist
activism ten times ****** than I ever had.
But then I started thinking. How much crazier is this, really, than any other religion?
Let's not mince words. There is some profoundly crazy
stuff in Mormonism. The magic underwear. The retroactive baptism of the
dead. Getting to be a *** on your own planet after you die. The Garden
of Eden being in Missouri. The foundational story of Joseph Smith
reading secret magical golden plates through a magic hat. The baptismal
font sitting on the backs of 12 cows. (Okay, fine, oxen. Still.) The washings
and anointings and veils and temple garments and secret handshakes and
other highly ritualized pseudo-Masonic ceremonies. Lying for the Lord. (No, really. Look it up.)
The casual shrugging-off of well-known, thoroughly documented facts of
history and archaeology that contradict Church doctrine. The shameless,
barefaced retroactive continuity, to the point of actually lying about
the religion's history. ("Polygamy is not a central tenet of Mormonism,
and it never was. Racial bigotry is not a central tenet of Mormonism,
and it never was. Stop looking at the Book of Mormon. No, stop it. We'll
tell you what our religion says, thank you very much.") Mormonism loves
to present a wholesome, clean-cut image of almost obsessive normality
to the public... but when you scratch the surface, what you see is
howling, chaotic lunacy. That ********** may seem harsh -- but if these
ideas were presented in any context other than a religious one, nobody
would be debating it.