For those of you who saw my last "blog" post (http://www.********.com/living/i-dont-know-what-to-doblog/qu... this is just a little update and some news on what I think I am going to do and have done about the situations I am in (:
If you take the time to read, I thank you in advance!
As for my issues with communication, Jared and I have realized that we are lucky to get to use the house phone at night when my parents go to work, even if it is only for 2 hours; I of course do not have the cordless phone (as both are locked away in my parents room) so I have to sit in the living room to talk to him. I only have until 10 on the phone, that's my curfew, but it's enough time to talk to him and just hear his voice <3 Though it is not the desire amount of time him and I ask for, it's sufficient. My dad has waved the computer time limit, as long as I do all my chores still (as I have always been doing, but I now have more on my plate since my sister now has a job and she will not want to do any house chores any longer) I can have as much time as I would like. With that, I can text my boyfriend's phone from my aim, or type to him if he's on facebook; So even if we're not on the phone (parents leave for work at 8pm) we can still "talk" to each other. I am still blocked on the wifi network, but oh well I suppose;
Some of you may know of what my life is like at home, many of you probably don't, but it is getting to the point where I have some really big decisions on my plate to make;
My original plan was to stick out the rest of the school year at my home, and then move in with my Grandmother this summer. But now, things at home are getting worse (I get hit everyone once in a while, nothing major or for anyone to scream ***** ABUSE at...);I'm sick of doing everything I can to not step on anyone's toes, doing everything I can to please my dad and step mom, but still not accomplishing that. I'm at my breaking point; I feel isolated, ignored, and alone. I often find myself sitting in my room crying, drawing, or listening to music to rid myself of the stress and emotions that I get from being home. So I've come to this thought, moving in with a friend to finish out the school year, then taking myself to my Grandmother's in the summer. Now that sounds all fine right? Piece of cake...good idea! But I have a lot of fears that come with the possibilities of my freedom and happiness.
Not only am I going into some one's home where I will feel as if I am taking from them, but I have to worry about having my Dad and Step mom hate me completely; Though I am not treated the greatest, they are my family and I still love them and have respect for them. I don't want them to be like, "Oh you're leaving? Screw you too, we want nothing to do with you. Never talk to us again, you can pretty much forget about us."
My aunt said if they were to do that, that they wouldn't be very good parents...but my aunt has supported the idea of me moving out for a while, and said if she was me she would've left a long time ago. (My aunt is staying with us and she sees what goes on.)
Then I have to worry about HOW I'm going to do it; Am I going to stand toe to toe with them and tell them I'm leaving, as I take my bags and go? Or will I leave a note and choose a night where they are at work, write a letter, and leave? I want to choose a way that goes smoothest;
I also have the worry of not being able to get all of my belongings, but I have an idea how to work that out; Police ****** takes me back home to get my things; Piece of cake?
So I just figured I would let you all know, if you don't see me on often, that it's because I have a lot on my mind and on my plate right now and I'm doing everything I can to sort it out. If anyone can help talk me through this, any help would be appreciated.
Thank you all again <3
-Rachael.